Hmm

I'm a terrible wife...

Old habits never die do they? i guess they were right...though I don't see that in my father..something in him changed..i wonder how long my mother prayed for him...i know it wasn't an immediate change...it was gradual, but my, what patience and endurance my mother had...

now only if i had that...

anger, angry, yes, that terrible emotion; it's very difficult to suppress it, very difficult...so what do i do? do i cuss? no. do i go out drinking? no. do i eat? no. do i go work out? yes. i seemed to have forgotten the most essential thing that i always did...

do i pray? no....

quite sad..i forget to pray. how many times must i remind myself that? pray pray pray...pray...PRAY. PRAY countless amounts of time...pray because my Father knows and hears everything i am saying...my Father knows, my Father knows.

My earthly father, i see how much you exemplify the Lord in you-why can't i just tell you dad that i want to be like you-to have those qualities that you have, to be like you...; likewise with you Mom...sweet, gentle with words, incredibly patience, so enduring, so faithful, always doing the best that you can...

i guess that's not how the lord works...i can't have all those qualities, but with persistence, i can attain to be the person God wants me to be...

i remember how my life was when i was so deep into the Word...always living my day as if it were my last, always reading the bible, taking notes, being so excited to go to church, to sing and play for the worship team, to always remember that i need to exemplify the same character that the Lord had, wanting to attend biblical classes, to learn more about in depth things about the Word, to take greek and hebrew,always opposed to drinking, smoking, and profanity, to be calm and collective when angry, to pray in everything, to be faithful, it was a joyous time with the Lord and i grew spiritually, thanks to our wonderful pastor, Pastor Brenton. He was a very quite, humble man, full of knowledge-i couldn't wait until wednesday college bible study when we'd get down in depth into the Word...i loved soaking it up...i grew so much -i remember how my life was like, but then, i remember how i fell and became disobedient...that was a terrible point in my life, but through it all, the Lord was my constant..i was the one changing...the christian life, as i was reminded, is a roller coaster, and of course, satan, was always there lurking about destroying this wonderful relationship built with my Father...our Father though, has commanded us to be firm, consistent, persevering in everything...easier said than done...

paperwork is endless and it's taking more than 3 hours to do it...