I am Insane

I like how my psychiatric book tells me all about these defense mechanisms and how unhealthy they are. Reminds me of...me. Splendid. Furthermore, it emphasizes that these are unhealthy defense mechanisms. Super splendid. I guess I am insane, I lack coping skills, and I should be admitted to the psych ward? The beginning on the book informs us, the readers, to avoid making judgments upon ourselves...guess that didn't work too well for me. But, I know better, so take that psychiatric nursing.

I was insane for not approaching my husband with my dilemma's, the closest person I have in my life, my best friend. I ignored him. I wanted to be alone...

He was persistent and patient in dealing with my silly emotional mood swings-i broke down and cried and he was there to make me laugh...

I don't understand why I was so distant-I guess I saw no point in spending time together when he would be gone the next hour. Other military wives tell me that it's these times that I should try to enjoy, because once they're deployed, these are the only memories they have of their husbands...they say that they've gone through what i've gone through..being distant, an emotional wreck-they tell me to name whatever i have, they've gone through it all...

I got tired of reading, studying, watching TV, and doing whatever else...I was going insane to a point where I just wanted to get out of this house and go somewhere...to avoid coming back because I was coming home to an empty house without a husband...

This sucks; and yes, it will suck some more, but I have to adjust and deal with it. He has no choice in his matter of work-he has to do it, and i must be strong.

my wonderful husband mike, you have gotten me speechless. i just don't know how else to thank you for bearing with me...i love you so much, and i'm sorry for everything that i've done...thank you for sticking with me...i love you dearly