The lyrics of this song and most of his compositions and playing makes me reminiscence about those good ol' days of old. Rewind back to nine years ago, when I was only nineteen years old. A certain someone who is twelve years my senior (I didn't know back then) captured this little heart of mine. My heart would jump for joy at every word towards me, at every gesture, at every look, even an accidental touch or nudge against my shoulder or any part of my body gave me glee. Part of my naive self had this inkling that he liked me back, but to think that someone who is twelve years my senior was all too far fetched and completely insane. I entertained that thought, daydreaming and, planning a wedding! (oh that nineteen year old mind) hoping that one day that same feeling might be reciprocated - I let it linger for a year or two until I began to realize that perhaps it's not the Lord's prescription for my life. I tried my best to dismiss the feelings and thoughts of feeling heart broken about that possibility, I even considered the thought of confronting him, but something stopped me.
Fast forward to present day: twenty eights years old, married. I was reminded of that event back then from last night's bible study. My husband and I were on a double date with his parents and he began to tell them our story and how we met-one thing led to another and I confronted and had the guts to tell the mother why I had retracted those feelings. You see, I actually told her of those feelings nine years ago and I gave her a glimmer of hope. We came to realize last night that if I had actually considered confronting those feelings, the good relationship that we had built as a brother and sister would be tarnished - I guess the Lord didn't want that to happen. He had other plans.
You know, I began to wonder and asked my heart the "what - if's"...what if I had waited? What would've happened? Would I get my happily ever after? ...and then, I saw my husband. The person that the Lord had hand-picked for me. He was mine forever. Though it pains me to say it, I began to pray that the Lord may capture those thoughts and feelings that began to seep through-those same emotional feelings that began to make me doubt; I realized how fragile and delicate our hearts are. I now know why I have to daily take up my cross to follow Him; I cannot do this alone. My mere being cannot handle it and only the Holy Spirit within me can capture these emotions that continue to linger in those unsuspecting moments. The temptation was there; I wanted to entertain the thought, but held back. I take heart in the fact that I have the Lord to help me get through it, so have no fear. Ask Him to capture that heart of yours.
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